"It's hard for compulsive activists to see that the vast social and economic problems of the world cannot be settled by mere effort and technique." - A.Watts

I am wondering what this is... two nights in a row. The night before last she caught me lying. Last night I seemed to make the wrong play in yelling at a dude and (I think) threatening him with a water pitcher at the waiters station. I think.

So disappointed was she. I keep thinking I have a chance in heck. When I'm there it seems like I don't get the importance of her or my actions until its too late.

At least on that big stretch of river by the train tracks and that ride to freedom I can count on myself to hide from the marauders and pillagers.

At least in the factory I can count on my skills on the roof and my ability to bank sharp or skip whole flights of steps.

With her there is so much social nuance that eludes me.

I don't know why...

I wasn't drinking...(or was I?)
I wasn't high...(or was I?)
I am sure I felt a little awkward

That must be because I don't know how to operate around people, only how to influence them - if possible. I am a Chinese budget version of Eisenheim 

possible, probable, certain in certain cases
This being one