mike again

Hey brother, thanks for all the kind words. All apologies for the delay in response, I picked up more work at the farm this past week and kinda threw me out of whack. I have another week of extra hours this week coming up also. I loved so many things about your reply: "Our ability to interact socially undermines our ability to be social." really stuck with me as I was reflecting about that this week. I'm (for the first time in a while) considering what goals I want to accomplish. I would like to think that I'm not intimidated by fear of success, but sometimes, I must admit, I look back and I see signs of that in my own life. I've been contemplating on how 'big' I should go. I don't have any doubt that I, like most folks, could achieve at least a majority of tasks I set my mind to ... so why haven't I been I setting my sights as high as possible? Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others. I wrote out my mission statement a couple weeks ago and it sent something like this: Save The World, Kill Fear, Battle Rap. (I don't know if i told you but I've been tirelessly working on my craft, rapping) I've been thinking relentlessly on how to complete this mission, cause if I'm not doing this than what the f*** am I even here for? I wouldn't mind at all sacrificing

dancing shame

Hey My Brother :-)

Im happy you got to see your Mom! I know you and your mom are as close as me and mine - that's sweet.
Not too much on the farm end. I told you about the wwoofer switch, besides that I've been being really introspective.
I gotta challenge myself to do something big Mike. I cant walk around with this feeling like I've never pushed myself  to my full potential. When I ask : What would happen that moment you stepped into Ali's shoes? If 99% of people are not willing to do what it takes to accomplish their dream, what percentage am I in? I need to make a commitment to stay out of my own way.

I felt really corny this afternoon. Embarrassed. A long series of (not serious) events led me to understand how socially inept I am. I've never given myself to be assimilated socially. I've been living as if the entirety of the world revolved around me for 4 decades. Corny? what a wake up call..
I had a flash of a scene where someone is sitting across the table says: "Get with the program."
The word childish comes to mind. Fuck. I really am a 40 year old spoiled brat.

I've been thinking about self discipline. How to remind myself that its the only term for self love. To have self esteem to feel good about myself comes from my day to day habits. I need to take responsibility to commit to healthy practices. I don't think the universe is gonna pull another rabbit out of a hat if I fuck up again.

The only thing I can think of is focusing on humility. Use my shame to humble myself.
I promise you one thing, Im done with that ashamed feeling. From this day on.

Thanks for reading.